Writer's Workshop Piece: Journal Entry Rewrite

Hi Ladies,

I have been plugging along on my writer's workshop piece a little early because I am going away again. I decided to take up suggestions you had been kind enough to give me in previous posts. However, I need your opinion on the item I have drafted. This is a rewrite of my first journal entry about my pets. I have changed the perspective. My cat was the "boss" until our dog arrived on the scene. I hope I have captured his personality...

Morning’s first light infiltrated the room as my mother tenderly nudged me with her delicate pink tongue. Stretching as I slowly awakened, I basked in her loving attention. Though, the remnants of sleep proved difficult to cast off as I had spent most of the previous day doing my best to attract the interest of others. I had pranced and capered to no avail as a seemingly endless parade of inquisitive humans gawked at me through the glass. Over the last few weeks it had been the pattern that a large soft palm would scoop one of my siblings up and carry them away for either a brief while, or to never return. Occasionally, the chosen individual would be unceremoniously plopped back down into the shredded paper that constituted both our litter box and bed. Upon their return, my mother would commence with a meticulous grooming process to remove “the scent” from their bodies. When mother had finished with my siblings’ toilette, they would always regale me with the antics they had engaged in while entertaining visitors in the “special room”. Though I wondered, if they were so amusing, why were they returned to our pen? By this time, the prettier and healthier of my 7 siblings had been greedily snapped up leaving only my mother and me behind to wonder why we were somehow deficient in comparison. Being the runt of the litter I had a sneaking suspicion as to why I had never been beyond the confines of my clutch. When the lights were still dim, I could catch a glimpse of my own reflection in the glass. In the half-light, a rather dainty bit grey of fluff with black stripes and gold eyes stared back at me. In my appraisal, what I saw was not unattractive. Yet, I simply did not compare with my eldest sibling who had been adopted almost as soon as she could gobble solid food. I wished that I would soon have my turn, though I didn’t want to get my hopes up. The days slid by and eventually, my mother and I were the only ones who remained. We stayed tightly cuddled together, taking comfort in the fact that we had each other. Unfortunately, our united front came to an end this very morning. After my daily grooming, my mother was taken away to the “special room”. I waited for a very long time but she did not return. Wallowing in despair, I found myself alone in the corner of my glass enclosure contemplating how to best deal with my new situation. In my reverie, I felt myself becoming increasingly drowsy. I was just beginning to lightly doze, when a chubby little hand knocked at the glass so hard that it rattled. “Mommy, Mommy! Look at the kitty!” Was it really true? Was someone talking about me? It was then that I heard the words I had longed for, “May we see him?” I was so excited that I put my two front paws on the glass to aid in my being picked up by the assistant. In my impatience to be taken to the “special room” I practically jumped into her hand. As we traveled the short hallway, I tried to coax the human to hurry along by squirming the whole way. As we rounded the corner, the assistant ushered four other humans – two large and two small into the designated space, handed me to the largest one of them all, and closed the door. So there I was in the “special room” with not a clue what to do. Then it hit me! The advice my siblings gave me would surely come in handy. I wriggled out of the largest one’s hands and hit the floor with a thud. I hurried under one of the benches hoping to provide the humans with a lively chase. As I anticipated, the littlest one got down on his knees and peered into my shadowy hiding place. “Kitty, kitty, kitty”, he called. Tentatively, I crept forward not wanting to appear too eager. It was then that the same little hand that rattled my enclosure picked me up by the tail! I let out an indignant yowl and clawed in response to this affront. Luckily, the little one with no manners dropped me forthwith. It was then that the elder female intervened. “Sean that is not the way we handle animals. He is just a baby like you. You have to be gentle. This is the way that you should pick him up.” Delicately, she scooped me up and cradled me to her chest. I purred and nuzzled her chin in appreciation for my timely rescue. It was then that she did the unthinkable and handed me back to the rapscallion! Bracing for more indignities I waited for the inevitable, but this interaction was different. His small hands delicately caressed my back as he talked to me in soft tones. Maybe, the youngster was tolerable after all. He just didn’t know how to handle something as small as me. After a few moments, littlest human passed me to the one they called “Kaitlyn”. Now, here was a human I could get used to! She kissed me and hugged me the way I imagine only a little girl could. At one point she gently placed me on the floor and pulled out what she called a “string”. I had never seen such a thing before and was extremely curious as to what it was and how it worked. I had great fun chasing after “the string” as she jiggled it and yanked it into the air. I enjoyed my short-lived game with her immensely. I was so appreciative that I wove myself in and out of her legs to show my delight. Regrettably, I was so entranced in our play that I only caught snippets of the conversation being carried on between the two adults. However, my ears pricked up when I heard the largest one say, “I guess it is settled”. “Settled? What is settled?” I wondered. It was then that the largest human picked me up in one hand, held me to his chest, and opened the door to the “special room”. “Oh no, he is looking for the assistant! They are going send me back!” In my frenzy, I writhed and tried to escape when I was handed back to the assistant. “How could this happen? I did my best!” As I looked over the assistant’s shoulder, I watched the four humans enter another room at the end of the long hallway. Rather than walk back towards the glass pen that I had shared with my family, the assistant took a different route into a room I had been only once before. “Oh, no! This is where they took me to give me “shots”!” Now I was really in lather. “What are they going to do to me?” All the while I was panicking; the assistant continued to gently stroke me about the head and shoulders. It was obvious she was trying to calm me down but I was having none of it. My angst was compounded by the fact that I soon found myself quickly dipped into some sort of repugnant fluid, given a maddening article to wear about my neck, and placed into a portable enclosure with tiny holes. I began to yowl mournfully as the impertinent human closed me inside. “Maybe being returned wasn’t so bad after all!” It was then that I felt my new enclosure move. This was an unfamiliar sensation for me. I had to struggle to remain firmly planted on my feet. In the long run, I had to relent and lay down to keep from falling over. Thankfully, the holes at the top of the carrier allowed some light to penetrate it. It was through these holes that I was able to perceive what exactly was going on. I could hear the humans talking about obtaining the necessities that I would require. Realization slowly began to dawn. I had been adopted! I was going to have a home of my own! I felt electrified and thrilled to the point that I began to sing in my best kitty soprano. As I crooned my little kitty heart out, the elder female opened the carrier a bit to slip a hand inside and scratch me behind the ears. What a wonderfully divine feeling! After a short time traveling, it was obvious that we had arrived at our final destination. I was released from my kitty prison out into a large expanse. The two little ones were waiting for me as I emerged from the carrier and started to soak in my new surroundings. As I was carried throughout my new domain, I was shown where I would sleep, find my food, and do “my business”. It seemed that the humans had thought of everything, even toys and a window to sun myself in! As the weeks went by, I grew immensely in size and became very accustomed to my new abode. I even learned to respond to the dreadful name they gave me- Ember! Now that I am older and established, I understand a bit more about the ways of humans and workings of the world. My disquieting experience was just part of the process of finding the right family. Even though I was the last of the litter to be adopted, I am glad that it took so long, because as the humans say, “good things come to those who wait”. However, my joys in life are tempered by small aggravations. My sweet but silly minded adoptive family didn’t have the good sense to stop at one perfect child. Shortly after my second birthday, they brought home a small black and white terror, they call Liebchen, but that is a story for another time…